Thanksgivinganza

I had a lovely Thanksgiving (and I hope you did, too!) Now I’m so stuffed full of leftovers that I’m having a hard time thinking of what to say. Since I live miles and miles away from my family and since most of my friends also live miles and miles away from their families we gathered together for our own special Thanksgiving feast. We didn’t have traditional foods per say, but there was turkey in the lasagna and squash and pumpkin in the curry. Ah, Americans of the 21^st century. Our food was delicious! I am so happy to have so many friends who cook so well. We topped our Thanksgiving off with projecting Shrek on the wall. All in all, a delightful day.

And now…pictures!

The food I cooked:

Chive Biscuits

Carmelized Onion Quiche

Ginger Pumpkin Cheesecake

All of the food!

David and Caely set the table:

and silly picture posing:

Will decided to do an entire series exploring his inner ghost in front of the camera. (I don't know why. I date--not explain--Will Pasley).

I had many more pictures, but now I can't find them on my computer (boooooooo.)

So here's the last one:

 

Thanksgiving+Shrek+ Couch = Very Sleepy Sarah

And now....a post! Update on U.C. Protests, Thanksgiving, Hooray for Caely

Okay, okay, so I haven't been doing as well as I hoped at the once-a-day posting.

I'm finding that maintaining momentum (for anything) is a struggle these days, but I am posting again as a way to fight my own instinct to slowly crawl into the fetal position. It's a pretty resilient instinct. Who knew?

Will has been keeping me up to date on the U.C. Protests. A few nights ago students occupied the lobby of the President's office in Oakland. Apparently another occupation has happened/is happening(?) at U.C. Davis. It's exciting to think about where this is going to go. The older I get the more disillusioned I become with our current systems of operating. Things are not working, and it's hard to be on the receiving end.

There have been and continue to be a lot of struggles, and the lone unemployed recent graduate in a recession in the richest nation in the world is hardly the biggest victim, but I do feel shaken up enough to know that this is not the system I want my children to grow up with. I dislike living in a society that so casually commodifies people, and largely acts inhumane because money is valued over humanity. But what is money, really? Just a system that allows us to not have to think/take responsibility for how we organize ourselves. It's easy to think of things happening because of a financial crisis, or poor countries having to borrow money (on interest!) because that's how "economics works," but I think this is often a poor excuse. Enough of that rant, though.

In other news, I am thinking about volunteering at Three Stone Hearth, a community supported kitchen. My friend Caely volunteered there for a while before. It would be a way to cook with other people. I have gotten quite into cooking lately, and I need people in my life, so it seems like a pretty good option. I'm not quite decided, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to try it out.

While we're on the subject of cooking--I am so excited for Thanksgiving! I am cooking (it's currently cooling!) Ginger-Pumpkin Cheesecake, Carmelized Onion Quiche, and Chive Biscuits. So exciting! I'm going to go over to my friends' house for a small gathering. I'm happy to bring my small bay area family together.

Also, my friend Caely got a job! I am so happy for her! Gooooo Caely!

The Perks of Dating an Activist

Last Friday, right as Will got off of work, he called me to ask if I wanted to go check out the U.C. Berkeley protest.* I could hear the helicopters overhead, and things only got more intense as I actually approached the protest itself. Earlier Friday morning, several U.C. Berkeley students began occupying Wheeler Hall. Additional students surrounded the building to make it impossible for police to take the students out of the building. When Will and I arrived, there were 700-1000 people surrounding the building. Police were guarding all of the entrances and dressed in riot gear. They had rubber bullet guns drawn, which both scared the shit out of me and gave me a big dose of “this is for real.”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Will look so happy.

The police presence was unsettling. Not just because it seemed to escalate my feelings, but more because it felt as if the police are protecting the interests of the people who are largely making education unavailable as opposed to protecting the students. I am happy that the protest remained nonviolent, but I feel like it was the police who were provoking violence more than the actual students. I am still mulling over this, but it seems universally unfair that those with the power to hurt students get to be protected from the rightful anger of the students.

This was not Will’s first protest, and he kept pointing out things that would have made the occupation more successful (training in non-violent protesting, walkie-talkies, better building choice so that people could be rotated in). Even given that, I still thought it was a pretty successful protest.

We wound up staying until all of the students left the building at around 7:30. They were released into the crowd in phases, and were supposed to hold a press conference afterwards. They were all charged with misdemeanors. Three students who were taken out that morning were charged with felonies.

These occupations are happening all over the U.C. system. Will has counted eight occupations, and there are rumblings of others.

Internationally, similar things have been happening this fall in Austria, Germany, England, and Greece. (and that’s just what I know about).

*If you haven’t heard, the U.C. Board of Regents recently decided to increase student fees by 32% (I think that it’s about the equivalent of adding a few thousand dollars per year..but I’ll have to check out some more news sources). Passing this financial burden onto students will significantly impact several students’ ability to attend and seems out of line with a PUBLIC University.

And if you’re curious:

Nov. 20 at UC Berkeley
Video of Police Brutality at UCB http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOI5l2_RghQ
KTVU -- Very good TV coverage -- Strong Images of Police Brutality http://www.ktvu.com/news/21674608/detail.html
The Daily Cal -- Good Article and Footage of Protest/Chanting in Rain http://www.dailycal.org/article/107612/wheeler_hall_occupation_ends_peacefully
San Francisco Chronicle - Good article http://www2.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/20/BA611ANSAB.DTL
The Daily Cal- Great Photo Slideshow http://www.dailycal.org/mediabox.php?id=415&type=slideshow
NYTimes http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/21/us/21tuition.html?ref=us
Indybay.org coverage http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2009/11/20/18629379.php

Nov 18-20 Protests Throughout the State
UCLA Video Coverage (Check out poll: 79% of public are against fee hike!): http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/local/los_angeles&id=7127527
UCLA Indymedia Coverage: http://la.indymedia.org/archives/display_by_id.php?feature_id=1906
CSU Fresno Library Study In: http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2009/11/20/18629688.php
UCSC Occupation of Kerr Hall: http://www.indybay.org/newsitems/2009/11/20/18629398.php
UC Davis Protests after 52 Arrested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsX5oPkqjnk
UC Davis - Good Student TV coverage of Occupation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWBa20tygk0
SF State Nov. 18 Action - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=718K2LT5vU4

UC Santa Cruz: http://occupyca.wordpress.com/

Coaching Writers (and myself)

Thursdays are usually my best days. They’re the best for one pretty simple reason—on Thursday I have someplace to go, people who I’m going to see, and something I’m going to do. I volunteer with Writer Coach Connection on Thursdays. WCC is an organization that puts people in 7^th,8^th, and 9^th grade classrooms a few times a month for one-on-one writer coaching.

Coaching is like a hybrid of mentoring and tutoring. I get the same kids for 30 minutes apiece and while we work on assignments, sometimes we also just chat, and I tell them over and over again that there isn’t a right answer to most of my questions (which it totally true because they’re usually questions along the lines of “Why did you decide to say it like this?”). While I volunteer every week, I’m paired up with two different classrooms, so I see one set of kids one week and another the next. I help them with the assignment, or (especially with one kid in particular) just chat. In the training there was a lot of emphasis on positive reinforcement, so I mostly just try to find something they’re doing well and really point it out. This is a teensy weensy bit difficult for someone who just came out of super critical writing mode, but I’m working on it.

Today I worked with the students who I like the most. I know I only like them better than my other two students because I’ve worked with them more, so I have a better relationship with them, but that’s just how it is for right now. I have favorites and they are them.

My first student who I’ll call Alex* spends most of the time telling me that he’s really bored and he claims he doesn’t know the answers to any of my questions. We spend about half the time with me prying him to say something, anything about the assignment, and the other half of the time just talking. Today I learned a lot about his bull mastiff, who apparently is the size of the cow, blackish brown, and at one point had to wear a cone on her head, which made life especially difficult in terms of doorways. Sometimes he offers me gum, and then goes back to being especially bored by school. I usually offer up a hope that he won’t always be so bored.

Next up is Angela.* Things go easily with Angela because she seems to enjoy the assignments, works hard, and always says thank you and tells me how much I help her. I’m starting to have concern that her stories usually seem to involve a lot of violence, especially today’s story which used violence as conflict resolution, but I also know that in terms of writing it’s a rather simple way of dealing with conflict. I’m hoping that this is just a stepping stone that will get her to a place where she can handle more complex conflict in writing and not a reflection of how she has seen conflict managed.

I really like volunteering. The thing that’s interesting about it is that I by-and-large don’t feel that charitable when I volunteer. I’m happy to help my students learn about stuff or just be someone in their lives who they get to talk to uninterrupted and receive undivided attention from, but it always feels like more of an equal relationship—I have a need to share the skills I have and frankly just see people.

…and this brings us to today’s goals:

Social and Practical are combined today: Pick up bed with Caely.

Job-related: Call Robbie. Ask for advice and see if she knows someone who might be helpful or a good connection.

I am happy to report I met all of my goals for yesterday...except for ordering those books. Okay, okay, I'll add them on to today's goals.

*Names changed.

The Gift Economy a.k.a. Remembering Why I love Berkeley

This morning I received a facebook invite to the “East Bay Gift Economy.” The idea of a gift economy (as far as I understand it) is that instead of goods and services being exchanged for money goods and services are given for free in exchange that the person receiving it will offer their goods and services for free to someone else. Think pay-it-forward.

A gift economy changes the direction of consumption from “want” to “give.” As our economy is currently rendered, services and things remain stagnant even if there is someone who could benefit from them unless the benefactor can afford to and will pay money for them. We spend so much time and energy trying to convince the benefactor to shell out money for things. We, as benefactors, think long and hard about whether or not this something is of value to us. We have surpluses of things in order to provide choice, but then these things sit on shelves or in garages while other people could use them. A Gift Economy works to reverse this stagnation.

Right now the “East Bay Gift Economy” is a google document in which people write down the skills or things that they have to offer and also the skills or things they’d like to gain.

My entry looks like this:

I'm offering:
- cooking skills/cooking partnership (I'm still new to cooking, but I love to cook for other people and learn how to cook new things)

- buying your groceries (we'll have to figure out a way for you to reimburse me, but I absolutely love going to the grocery store/farmer's market--oh, I also only have a bike, so you'd need to be within walking distance)

- homework help

- researching grad schools/colleges and finding scholarships

- brainstorming sessions/writing tutoring/editing for both academic and creative pursuits

- German lessons

- travel tips for going to Germany or Tanzania/East Africa

- anything you want to know about Southeast Missouri/Bible Belt (might only be anecdotal)

- a giant kitchen to use* (only until February, and I'd want to be there and know the details of your project)

I'm offering/looking for:

- a cooking partner

- a German speaking partner

- people to have coffee with

I'm looking for:
- an accordion (to have or borrow) and accordion lessons

- dogs/cats to play with

- invitations to do things

- lessons in things related to graphic design

- job advice/leads

- a place to live starting in February

Others have posted that they’ll repair your bicycle, my friend Caely can perform your marriage ceremony, and more than one person can help you build a robot.

What I really, really like about this is that just filling out the form of what I can offer makes me feel valuable.

What’s been tough about graduating and looking for a job is just how much the process makes me feel useless. I don’t have 5+ years experience. I don’t know how to code html. I see all of these ads that are asking for something I can’t give. OR when they do ask for something I feel I could give, I hear back that hundreds or thousands (yes, I did get back a rejection letter telling me that thousands of people had applied for the position) had applied. Tell me about feeling like you’re not needed!

What I also like about the gift economy model is that you can ask for what it is that you truly want without feeling guilty. I mean, I asked for an accordion. I really want to play the accordion. I would probably feel too anxious about money to go out and buy an accordion, but I have no problem accepting an accordion. I also have no problem not getting an accordion. I don’t feel tied down to my wants.

You can also ask for things that aren’t traditionally sold—I asked for play time with kitties! Because it’s something I want, but don’t know how to get (none of my friends have animals right now and I’m not in a place to get one).

It’s nice.

And in the spirit of this being a blog about having a goal, I think I am going to start listing my daily goals. Then you’ll see them, and I’ll be accountable to you, dear readers.

So here are today’s goals:

Social: Have dinner with Liz.

Practical: Figure out how to get bed from Krista so that I’m not sleeping on an air mattress anymore.

Job-related: Email Mark and the career lady at Marlboro. Maybe even actually order that book off of Amazon that I’ve been looking at.

p.s. If you’re in the bay area, let me know, and I’ll get you the address of the gift economy. Then you can join in on the fun! If you’re not in the bay area, it’s really ridiculously easy to start up your own gift economy page. Comment and I’ll see if I can help you get one set up.

Resolution

I’ve been unemployed now for three and a half months. When I write that down it seems like such a short amount of time, but it’s felt and continues to feel eternal. I think in part this is because my days used to be filled with hustle and bustle, and now almost nothing happens unless I force it to. Let’s take yesterday for example. I actually honest-to-god did not get out of bed until 4 p.m. Now, I had a computer in that bed, but I don’t even remember what exactly it is that I did on that computer. I think at least one-third of my days are like this—I have no idea what exactly it is that I did. I do know that I am doing something day after day. I am teaching myself to cook. I am applying for jobs, but not in that round-the-clock way that it seems like all of the books mention. I mostly feel lost, and like I don’t know where it is that I’m supposed to be going again.

What continues to amaze me about this whole recent graduate experience is how similar it is emotionally to my exchange year in Germany. And when I think about it, there are a lot of reasons for why it would be similar.

1) I’ve just moved.

2) I’m navigating a different way of life.

When I look back, there were so many things that I didn’t know how to do then—ride public transit, pay bills (in Germany I had to see an orthodontist and so I got my very own medical bills at the age of 17—how geeky is it if I mention that I felt so mature and awesome for being able to pay bills at 17, that is, after I totally freaked out that I couldn’t possibly know how to make out a check in German), make friends in a foreign culture, and just generally avoid pissing people off (not to mention all of the things I didn’t know how to say), but what got me through it was some advice from my friend Britta.

The advice: Say “Fuck it” and then just do it anyway.

For whatever reason, what really sticks out in my memory is her saying “I don’t know how to make a bed, but I have to, and so I just do it.” I remember at that moment that making my own bed had been something I also struggled with (and it’s not that I had never been taught how to make a bed—German bed sheets and comforters and pillows are different—see: http://www.karstadt.de/Karstadt/Biberbettwaesche-Piraten-135x200-cm-blau/p/?pfad=597722+884184+878586+878665+878714&pid=2955051), but once I just stood in front of the bed and said to myself “look, I don’t know how this works. I don’t know how to make the sheets look perfectly straight. I don’t know how to get the blanket to fit just right. But, I have to do it anyway,” I was actually able to make the bed. I have used Britta’s philosophy ever since.

I find myself really stifled by fear these days, and I know it’s that same fear that made me feel stuck in Germany. Fear that I don’t know how to accomplish anything. Luckily, having gone through this once before, what I know is key is a good dose of “fake it ‘til you make it.” That’s why I’ve started this blog. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I do know that I just need to start doing. This blog is the beginning of making commitments and having goals, even if the only purpose of the goal is to have one.

What I’ve learned by looking at the days in which I’m happy vs. the days in which I’m not, it really boils down to having a goal. Some days the goal is really small: go to the grocery store. Some days the goal feels really big: finish this cover letter. Right now, I’m creating my longest post-college goal. I am going to blog every weekday. No one has to read it. No one has to comment. For now, I just want to write something everyday. I want to take an hour of my life to reflect and think and put words out into the world, even if they just float around.

Heck, maybe it’ll be just the push I need.